Selfish

For the past few years I have been incredibly selfless. Even when I was really ill, I felt like a burden on doctors and therapists, assuming they had more important patients to attend to and I would be fine ”don’t worry about me.” I didn’t admit there was a problem because I didn’t want to hassle people. So I suffered through the panic attacks alone and let me tell you, that is the worst thing you could possibly do. I wasn’t alone, I never was, I’ve always had tons of friends and family around me who love and support me. But I secluded myself because it was polite and I made myself feel worse. This year I plan on being very selfish for once. This year is about self progression and working hard towards my goals. I will no longer be complacent with my own self destruction.  I have learnt how to take care of myself and how to work hard at the same time. I will be getting out of my own head for once and tackling the things in my life that need tackling. From now on when I see a mental scar or wound, I wont ignore it for the sake of not ruffling some feathers. I will tell someone and I will seek the appropriate help. I will no longer be treating my mental health as less important than the other aspects in my life. It is the most important aspect. Unfortunately I had to learn that the hard way. But the most important thing is that I learnt it.

I will not make apologies for being selfish this year. This year I want to become the best possible version of myself that I can be, inside and out. I cannot do that if my past pain and anguish is dawdling along behind me, ready to pounce at any moment. I have to let who I was go and begin to relish in who I will be. I will be taking more long walks in the sunshine, more hot baths, reading more and expanding my mind, journalling more, lighting more candles and studying so hard, 2015 Molly wouldn’t recognize me. I have a to do list as long as my arm, but this is a really good thing I assure you. I’ve been keeping busy and because of that I’ve been too busy to even remember I have anxiety. I’m all about looking forward to new friendships and new beginnings. All the things I’ve been through, I deserve this. I deserve a really good year full of self progression and hard work. I want the end of the year to resemble that feeling of working hard all week and then finally collapsing into a warm and comfy bed on the weekend. I want that feeling of accomplishment to run through my veins at the end of this year and make me glow with happiness and success.

And finally, I want people to stop pitying me. For the last few years I have been so fragile, that friends and family have assumed that if they get too close, I will break. But I am not made of glass, I am made of steel. I am sick of being pitied by those around me. I understand they are being kind and polite but I’m sick of it. I’ve made so much progress, I want people to finally start acknowledging that and stop assuming that I am still the weak, crippled girl I once was.

Signing off now!

Molly

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Self Growth

This last year has absolutely been a year of growth for me. Every little set back or bad day, i could feel it shaping me as a person. Every mistake i made became one i would never make again. I felt grown up and mature but at the same time i still embraced the child within me and laughed a lot. I met new people who made me better, stronger and wiser.

This was the first year of my life that i’ve felt in control, like i’m finally behind the wheel and making all of the decisions. It’s been tough, i wont deny it. I’ve changed so much and have finally found what i want to be doing and where i want to be going. The moment i found a few months ago that you could do a degree in creative writing, i focused all of my hard work and study towards that. I’ve found that i am so passionate about writing and finally have a goal to work towards. I’ve been accepted into all 4 universities i applied for and Bath (my first choice) is my absolute dream. I worked hard on my application and just thought that at least i’ve tried, but there’s no way i’ll get in. But then i did! I really need to have more confidence in myself and my writing, that will be one of my 2017 resolutions.

2016 has been a year of self improvement and self recovery. 2015 sort of destroyed my body and soul, but 2016 became about re-building what had been broken. Now that i feel put back together and fixed, 2017 is going to be all about moving forward and smashing my goals. I have to work incredibly hard for my exams and just pray that i can get to university in September. I’m confident that with enough hard work and determination i can do it. I really hope to get to the point of new years and feel as if i’ve done everything i wanted to do this year. But right now all i can do is continuously work hard and try to enjoy my studying as much as possible (even on days when i want to hit myself in the face with a book) because i know that this will all be worth it come September.

Signing off now!

Molly

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Happy Bloody New Year!

As somebody that makes mistakes regularly (a human being) I relish in the opportunity to make a fresh start and dust off that clean slate. I adore every new year, whether thats because I wish to end a rather awful year, or start a very exciting one. I love how final it is, and how much celebration goes into embarking upon a new year. I’m not just saying this because its cliché or I feel as if I have to but this year is going to be brilliant I can feel it in my bones. I’m working hard, very very hard. But i’m smashing my goals and getting to where I dream to be. I’m surrounded by love and support in every aspect of my life, from friends, family and of course my blogging pals. I feel very lucky. Yes, 2016 wasn’t great politically or socially and for that I am truly sorry for the world. But this year i’ve decided to be selfish. I spend so much of my time giving or worrying about others and this is going to be a year of moving forward and working hard. But also looking after myself and not giving 2 shits what people think of me. I have a lot to do but if I can get to next New Years with a smile on my face and a spring in my step i’ll know i’ve achieved everything I wanted to in these 365 days.

Happy New Years everyone!

Signing off now!

Molly

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(so hungover right now- don’t judge)

”President Trump”

Dear Kids,

Today is a historic and terrifying day. Donald J Trump has won the election and is now the President of the United States. I’m still in shock. I woke up early at 5am, went downstairs and turned on the television. I’ll admit i was very sure Hillary would win. I was a Bernie supporter from the beginning but settled with Hillary despite her flaws because she was the lesser of 2 evils. When i saw the headline ”Trump Victory” i sat down slowly and cried. At first i was sad but now that i’ve had time to adjust i’m just angry. I’m angry that a man can run a presidential campaign with first of all no political experience at all, but secondly can base it on racism, misogyny and pure hatred and still win. I’m angry that he can have a vice president who believes that electrocuting gay people will cure them of their sexuality.

I’m angry that he can propose a total ban of muslims entering the US, talk about grabbing women by their pussies, be accused of rape and sexual assault, mock a disabled reporter during a campaign speech, be anti abortion and totally sexist and backwards. I am just plain angry. I fear for anyone in America who isn’t a straight, white man. Your life is in danger and i am so sorry. Despite Hillarys flaws, she would have been a very progressive President for the people. For all people. But America didn’t choose that, they chose an orange bigot. Today is a sad sad day. A day of mourning our rights. A day of saying goodbye to freedom and the chance of equality.

Within 24 hours of voting Brexit, Britain experienced one of the sharpest rises in hate crimes we have ever seen. This is what i fear for in America, this vote and this president will cause more and more people to openly attack people of colour, muslims, women, disabled people, mexicans and lgbtqa people. This vote is an open door to hate crimes and discrimination in America. I am just so saddened and so sorry for the world. I have no words left…

Signing off now,

Molly

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I’ve been busy

Dear Kids,

AGH it feels like forever since i’ve written a blog post! I have been so very busy and just haven’t had time. August has been the busiest month of the year so far and i realized i haven’t updated any of you on whats going on in my life so here goes,

My first year of A-Levels was to put it bluntly, a disaster. 2015 was a very tough year for me dealing with grief, a mental illness and several other issues. I don’t want to get into it too much but i was lost for a while. I’d lost myself and at the young age of 17 i had no idea who i was anymore and what i wanted. But at the beginning of 2016 i sat up and thought fuck it. University is what you want to do Molly and you know it, so you need to find a way to do your A-Levels that works for you to get you where you want to be.

So i found a course online that is perfect for me, i’ve been studying it from home for just under 8 months now and i love it. It works perfectly for me and it means i can do two years worth of work in one year meaning if all goes to plan i can get to University next year. I am studying English Literature, English Language and Philosophy. English is by far my favorite and it always has been! Don’t get me wrong it is tough, motivating myself and doing this all on my own. But i have such incredibly supportive friends and family around me and i am determined to do well this time around. And yes it is sad that my twin brother and all of my closest friends are going to University this year, but i will be joining them next year. I am going all guns blazing this time around. I am trying so hard and putting blood, sweat and tears into this. There’s a little saying in my family, The Thompson’s are late developers. It’s very true with a lot of my family, we don’t always go the traditional route, we take the more scenic route. But we get there in the end! I am very determined to succeed this time around and i will be so grateful for any support from the lovely people that read this blog! I am terribly sorry that its been over a month since the last post but i hope you understand that i am incredibly busy and i will try and post whenever i am free!

This has been a new chapter in my life and i am ready to take the challenge. I hope that this time next year i can make a blog post letting you all know that i got into University and i am moving away to start the next chapter of my life. Thanks thanks thanks so much in advance for all of the support!

Signing off now,

Molly

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A Film that changed me

Dear Kids,

Earlier on this week, i fell in love. I know what you’re thinking; WHAT? Well don’t get too excited because it was a film, not some mysterious attractive stranger. On Thursday evening i settled down to a film in bed called ”Imagine me and you”

I’ve never written a post like this before in which i just ramble on about a great film but i just really needed to talk about this film and i don’t know anyone who’s seen it. It came out in 2006 and so i was 8 years old and far from interested in watching cheesy romantic comedies.But now, 10 years later i am VERY interested in doing just that.

SO let’s get into the plot of this film. Its centered around two women, one called Rachel and one called Luce. Rachel (played by Piper Perabo) is getting married and the film starts off with her ceremony. Luce (played by Lena Headey) is the florist hired for the venue. I won’t get into too much detail at this point but the film is basically portraying these two characters falling madly in love and the so called love triangle between them and rachel’s husband Hector (played by Mathew Goode) who i love by the way! And that has nothing to do with the fact that he was born in the same place as me! But it kind of does!!

ANYWAY. So if you’re a big fan of classic British romantic comedies such as Love Actually, Four weddings and a funeral and Notting Hill. You will LOVE this film! It’s hysterically funny and its humour is incredibly British and sarcastic. Its not often that you see a romantic comedy based on a lesbian relationship and i just found it so refreshing; like a breath of fresh air. Everything in this film blew me away; the characters,writing,humour,romance and originality. I cried my eyes out at the ending and after it was finished i sat staring at my laptop in awe. I didn’t know what to do with myself, i distinctly remember smiling so much my jaw ached.

5 Things i LOVED about it:

  1. The characters were hysterically funny and very genuine. I found them very relatable which made them so easy to watch
  2. It was so progressive and original- for a film made in the early 2000’s i was very impressed. There were no hints of homophobia or prejudice surrounding the LGBT community. The film (like many lesbian or gay romances) was not centered around the problems these women might face in ”coming out.” But instead on their love and developing romance.
  3. The husband was so incredibly supportive and kind when his wife came out to him. All he cared about was her being happy. He was such a sweet and lovely character. Often the character that’s left for another person in these films is portrayed as bitter and cruel. NOT in this film! He was a delight and i just fell in love with him
  4. The parents of Rachel- her parents were just the same, especially her father. They encouraged her to follow her heart and i found it so moving and quite beautiful!
  5. The fashion and culture- Its set in quite a trendy part of London in the early 2000’s. One thing i really enjoyed about this film was soaking up all of the classic noughties fashion,music and culture in which i grew up with. It was a walk down memory lane!imagine

I would seriously recommend this film to anyone! It made me feel so happy and warm afterwards. I loved every aspect of this film and even though it was made just over 10 years ago, i still think if you are reading this and haven’t seen it, you should! It was just fantastic. I could really ramble on about it for so long but i wont, i promise

If you do decide to watch this film, leave a comment below and we can talk about it! Or if you’ve seen it before! I’d love to get some others opinions on this

Hope you all have a lovely rest of your weekend!

Signing off now,

Molly

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You Don’t have to be Happy all the time

Dear Kids,

You Don’t have to be happy all the time. You don’t have to smile and be positive for every moment of every day. Some days are great and some days are awful.

I’m always that friend that is the loudest and bubbliest in a group. I’m always joking and making people laugh. I know how stuck up that sounds but that’s just my personality, i’m very extroverted. So when i am quieter and more subdued, people notice it a lot more. They say WHAT’S WRONG MOLLY-WHAT HAPPENED.

I’m allowed to be like this sometimes! Some days i just don’t feel like myself. That’s not my mental health or anything particularly bad that’s happened. That’s just life. You have your ups and you have your downs. But i don’t think the downs should be treated as if they need to be ”cured as soon as possible”. I think the bad days,the breakdowns and the tears define you and shape you as a person. They make you stronger. And each bad day makes you fully appreciate the very good days. So please if you are feeling guilty about over indulging on food,taking too many sad baths or watching too many re-runs of F.R.I.E.N.D.S then just stop. You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling down today. No one is perfect and nobody has good days every single day. Let yourself feel these emotions if you want to! They are totally natural and don’t worry! Just remember to look after yourself and tomorrow is a totally new day! You never know whats going to happen…

Signing off now!

Molly

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Are EU happy with the Brexit?

Dear Kids,

Last week on Thursday the UK held a historic and democratic vote on our membership in the European Union. If you know nothing about this then i suggest some serious twitter researching because people have some very strong opinions on it. Yes i have had some mini rants at work and with friends about this whole referendum, but i haven’t been able to talk it all through yet and make sense of it.

SO the UK voted to leave. ”Take a breathe Molly, its going to be okay” That’s what i tell myself anyway. But i’m not entirely sure how true that actually is. You see within hours of the result coming through, our economy was in ruins and our country was becoming a laughing stock. Me and my family watched nervously as the news brought about problem after problem every half hour. Our prime minister resigned and we’re left with half arsed idiots to replace him. At the moment we are all left in an amount of uncertainty.  Young people took to twitter in outrage because 64% of 18-25 year old’s voted to remain in the EU (including myself.) And yet the older generations who will not live to see the future they are deciding for us, primarily voted to leave.  It’s fuelling a huge amount of anger in our country at the moment and we truly are a nation divided between the remainers and the leavers.

Now, however angry i am/was feeling. I really don’t think its the best thing to do for our country to bicker and fight over something that we cannot control. There has been a petition going around to hold a new referendum and it has an incredible amount of signatures. But i don’t agree with it. As much as i am a strong supporter of the remain campaign; i don’t feel it is appropriate to hold another referendum. People are going on about how undemocratic this all was. But it was a democratic referendum in which each person had one vote each with the ability to change our country’s future. It’s immature to hold another vote just because we aren’t happy with the result. When the torries were elected i didn’t suggest another general election just because i would have preferred a labour government. Because the majority has spoken and we need to respect that. That’s what it measn to live in a democracy. Now i don’t deny it’s going to be tough, i can’t even really see how we’re going to get out of this mess. But i do think that we have to work with what we’ve got. And what we’ve got right now, is a country divided and a strong majority of people who voted to leave. So we’ve left and its for the politicians to work out what the hell to do next.

But as for us mere mortals, i know there are things we shouldn’t do. We should NOT be discriminating anybody who is living and working in this country who is foreign. We should not be segregating our communities and society based upon this vote. The migrants who come to live and work here are not our enemies. They are our friends. They contribute to our economy and society. We should be grateful. We should NOT drive them out of our country just because we can. It’s wrong. They have family,friends and lives. To treat them like animals or cargo and ship them back to their home countries is just wrong. And any form of racial prejudice because we want the UK to become a purely white and english place is DISGUSTING. I have seen many tweets and articles already stating that on several occassions migrants and people of colour have been made to feel very uncomfortable and frightened since the vote by people discriminating and verbally abusing them. That is just so wrong on so many levels. We are so lucky to live in a multi cultural and diverse society. Please do not let a vote to leave fuel more anger and hatred. Of course i am not saying that everyone who voted to leave has a racial agenda and hates all migrants. But enough people from the leave campaign have used immigrants as scaremongering tactics to make them feel incredibly uneasy about their lives here. All i am saying is, i urge people to be as understanding and caring as they can be in the coming weeks following the vote to leave. The migrants who work here have a right to be here and we should not be discriminating against them.

That’s all

Signing off now,

Molly

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